Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Theories on Fear Part 1

It's late, and I'm getting ready to hit the sack. My bags are packed and my Texas wedding adventure awaits. But first...I must confess. I did a photo shoot last night, and have not had the nerve to look at the pictures. If you know me, you know I am neurotic about the pictures, and I can't get them fast enough.. thank God for digital. I have been known to post pictures within an hour of a shoot. This shoot was different. I stared straight into the face of fear. Now. It turns out that fear has been a present enemy for some time now. I didn't realize that until recently. It didn't help that there were 30 or so other photographers there... or that I had been directed to take the reins with the posing couple... or that Becker had just given me the reins... oh dang. One of the photographer icons says, "Now, you have a go...don't be shy!" after flashing a minute of his expertise.. brilliance... anyway. I froze. I panicked... I was the most uninspired person there. Every doubt, every insecurity, every fear that I had gotten in way over my head and these people would know the kind of photographer I was, and they were probably far better. Sheer terror. I gawked and stuttered until someone suggested I use the fence in the shot, and I lamely directed the couple to their spot. I snapped a few pictures, and walked away feeling defeated. I am a good photographer. Just like I was a good teacher. Fear is a sneaky adversary! It's late, so fear will have it's throwdown later. I have a few rounds yet before the winner {ME} will be announced.. but I will look at my pictures, I will find good shots, I WILL do fabulous couple shots at Rae's wedding this weekend... She won't let me trash the dress, but that will be for another bride, another day. And the next time Becker says "Ok, now YOU go", well, he'll be saying that to the back of me, because I will have already taken the shot.

No comments: